My Trip To The Virtual Corkscrew Museum

At first I was like, "Wtf" than I was like....

"WTF...."

After getting over the inishal shock of some one actually taking the time to make an entire website of corkscrews I went to the table of content and was overwhelmed with confusion. Why does a virtual corkscrew museum need a Armory? An aquarium? A tie rack? A china cabinet? And I'm just saying its a virtual museum, they have all of the space in the world, why does the art gallery need to be divided into a West wing and an East wing? It's definitely beyond me. I decided to go to the "About the Museum" tab.

I learned some pretty interesting things about the museum. One thing I learned is, like every museum ever, this virtual museum is old as balls. Created in 1994, witch is like 1894 in Internet years, the museum has had over 28,000,000 page hits and visits from people in over 102 countries. I'm callin bull on that statement. After learning a bit about the museum I headed to the Exhibit Hall.

I saw lots of neat corkscrews in the Exhibit Hall.

These molds made chocolate corkscrews

These were the best corkscrews of 1996

These are "Negro" head corkscrews

These corkscrews are modeled after Gay 90's Bar tenders

Sadly I could not view the erotic corkscrews

After the disappointment of not getting to see the erotic corkscrews I left the Exhibit hall. I continued to the next room, The Planetarium. Why does a virtual corkscrew museum have a planetarium? I have no idea.

After a bit of puzzling I discovered that the Planetarium is home to corkscrews that are modeled after constellations, They have 88 of them. The thing that really puzzles me about this room is that every corkscrew has some crazy design and under them it says, "It is not practical in use as a cork extractor."

How do you even use this thing?

Now I'm no corkscrew enthusiast or anything like that, but if a corkscrew fails to do the one thing that it was designed to do doesn't it than become more a piece of awkward art and less a corkscrew? I'm just sayin...Now on to the Sound Studio!

What exciting adventure awaits us in the sound studio? Well it says that it has sounds of various corkscrews, but have you ever used a corkscrew and heard that pop sound and thought to your self. "Wow that sounds alot like a Sea Lion yelling." Yeah me neither but for some reason Sea Lion, Tiger, Pelican, Santa and Rooster are all on the list. This has pretty much nothing to do with corkscrews at all. Words can not express my disappointment. To the aquarium!

Here I am greated by two viking looking corkscrews named Sven and Knute who are more or less the same guy.

I mean really, you tell me who's who.

So I fallow Sven and Knute through a tour of fish shaped corkscrews, it wasn't that bad. Some of the stuff they said even made me laugh!

I don't think it was the laugh they were going for though.

At this point I decided it was time that I actually try to learn something, So I went to the room titled, "How to collect corkscrews" No offence but how hard could it be? Well hard enough that it had to be devided up into 5 lessons.

Lesson 1

That's it. No joke. There is no text anywhere on this page, just this photo. What i'm getting is you need to be a homeless horder to collect corkscrews. Looks like i'm going to need some cut offs...

Lesson 2

Wait what? This guy seems to be the opposite of the first guy. Alright I'm confuzed. Oh well i'm sure that lesson 3 will clear this up.

Lesson 3

So were back to being homeless again? Wat..Eff this i'm done.

At this point I have had enough of corkscrews for a while and decided that I was going to leave and more than likely never come back again. Because the only thing more boring than a real museum is a virtual museum.

But if for some reason you would like to take a trip to the Virtual Corkscrew Museum, click the blue text.

The Year In Torrents

2010 was a huge year for people who who use torrenting. With bit torrent reporting that around 400k people torrent a day and over 100 million people torrenting a month, and if we throw in the fact that last year they made over $40 million, its safe to say that torrenting is big business.

Shut up.

Now lets ignore that cat and get to the numbers.
My 160 gig ipod has 27 gigs free.
1.91 gigs is being used for videos
0.60 gigs are used for "other"
and 119.4 gigs are used for music
But how much did I get this year?
Well to be exact I got 7,842 songs, or 41.24 gigs worth of music, or 19 days 18 hours 14 minutes and 13 seconds worth of music. Lets get some averages here shall we?
With a total of 7,842 in 2010, thats only about 653 songs a month, or 150 songs a week or 21 songs a day. This may seem like a lot of music, but compared to my 20,889 total songs, or 56 days 4 hours 27 minutes and 34 seconds, thats not much, an if you think that that's a lot compair it to the 400,000 people that torrent per day, or the 100 million people that torrent a month. Now if those people torrent as much as me, thats....thats like 784,200,000,000 songs a year.
No wonder the RIAA is after downloading, utorrent seems to be making more money off ads than the RIAA is making selling music. (Not including there lawsuites)

Your like....

No wonder the RIAA is after downloading, utorrent seems to be making more money off ads than the RIAA is making selling music. (Not including there law suites)

This is a list of the top downloads of 2010, I downloaded 5 of them.
But the question remains, witch 5 did I get?

1. inception
2. iron man 2
3. 2010
4. xxx
5. french
6. avatar
7. dvdrip
8. despicable me
9. porn
10. clash of the titans
11. toy story 3
12. glee
13. salt
14. twilight eclipse
15. dexter
16. the sorcerer’s apprentice
17. axxo
18. robin hood
19. prince of persia
20. windows 7


*My writing is fictional and should be viewed as such

A N00b's Guide To The Internet: Social Networking

Social Networking is something that I never quite understood or liked that much, even though I seem to be the person that these sites would be targeting. A teenage boy with a small social life and a computer in his room, that's the main target right? In theory they sound like a really neat idea, you and your friends have profiles filed with personal information about you guys and whenever anyone wants to be your "friend" you share this information with them. What could possibly go wrong with this?

Myspace was not the first social networking site to ever come to be but it was the first one for me. I'm guessing that when someone started this site they were thinking it would be great, you could post bulletins of information, you could blog you could even customize your profile by using other peoples stuff to express your individuality. Sounds fun, but it really wasn't. The bulletin system, I'm guessing, was supposed to be used to share information for a group of people, kind of like one of the boards that bulletins go on, what are those called again? That is not what they were used for though. You know the those surveys that you would have to take at school? Yeah those suck, what I don't get is that people would do these for fun than post them on these bulletin boards. Do they expect me to read these? I don't care what you had for dinner last night I really don't. Than I stopped and thought to myself, why would some one post this crap? Your putting out more information on a site that's already full of information about you. Don't worry though its all good, it's just your "friends" after all right?

Okay I really can't rag on Tumblr that much because I've never actually used it, but there is a good reason for that. Here is every interaction I have ever had with tumblr and/or its users.

No, and neither does half the world. Nuff' said....Damn hipsters.

Once again, another great idea that just didn't work (for me) Twitter is like everybody in the world got together in one big room and just continually yelled everything that they were doing, thinking, thinking about doing, and things they are doing while they were thinking about things. I mean how much do you REALLY need to know about your friends? Do you really have to know what they had for dinner? Do you really have to know what Ashton Kutcher is always up too? Well more than 1,000,000 people care about that one but that's beside the point. I guess the big problem I have/had with twitter is that it made me realize that my life sucks. Here is an example of my twitter feed.

April 27 5:27
Heading home

April 27 5:45
Makin Mac & Cheese

Than someone response to that by saying something stupid and completely worthless like
"Yummy" or even worse just plane and simple "cool" never capitalized, ever.

April 27 6:30
Watchin @Lost

Once again someone will say "cool" It goes on like that for more or less 5 or so pages until i realized this website was not meant for me.

And finally I come to Facebook. After Myspace kind of died I thought I was done with social networking, but being the absolute social butterfly that I am, I just have to keep in touch with all of my people all over the country. So I set up the account, add a few people than go to bed to pass out. As I awake the next morning I find that I have a few friend requests, for some reason every ex-girlfriend that I've ever had seemed to have found me and wants to "friend" me. Yeah I definitely want to be your friend and see all of the pictures of your new boyfriend and how much better your life is now...That was sarcasm if you didn't catch on. I swear I've got a league of evil ex's. Another thing that bothers me about facebook is it claims it has all of this privacy and wants to keep you safe but I'm just saying, this site lists:
1. Your name
2. Your location
3. Photos of what you look like
4. Who your family is
5. How they are related to you

6. 1-3 about your family

7. Live updates of what you are doing

I'm just saying, if I wanted to brutally murder you and your whole family this website makes it quite easy, I'm just sayin....

Dear Rolling Stone....

I Just spent my time looking through your list of the 500 "Greatest" albums of all time and I must say I do not agree, no sir not one bit! Marvin Gaye number 6? Beach Boys number 2? Sure there ok but do they deserve to be that high up on the list? You do know that you have The Beastie Boys on your list 3 times right? Oh sorry I thought that was a mistake, you must just of shit taste in music.

Below you will find a few albums you may have missed, enjoy.


Hugs & Kisses
West Smith ;D
XOXOX

Type O Negative - Origin Of The Feces/Bloody Kisses

Stand Out Songs
1. Unsuccessfully Coping With The Natural Beauty of Infidelity
2. Are You Afraid
3. Gravity
6. Hey Pete
7. Kill You Tonight (Reprise)
8. Paranoid

Stand Out Songs
2. Christian Woman
3.Black No.1 (Little Miss Scare-All)
6. Summer Breeze
9. We Hate Everyone
10. Bloody Kisses (A Death In The Family)
12. Too Late: Frozen
13. Blood & Fire

Whats It Sound Like?
The single best goth metal band to deal with lost love, infidelity and death and still be funny.

What Makes Them So Special?
I really don't know, it might be there 6 foot 8 giant of a singer with the deepest voice I've ever heard, or it might be the fact that they put out the same album twice and got away with it. When putting Type O on here i really had a hard time deciding what album to pick because every single one is so different and good its hard to pick just one, so I didn't.

Origin Of The Feces
This album is a fake live album, what's a fake live album? Well when Type got a record deal they were more than excited, and they spent all of the money on coke and alcohol leaving little if any money left for recording. So what did they do? Added a some sound effects to there old album and renamed the songs. BAM! New album. The weird thing is that this album is

actually pretty good a master piece go get it.

Bloody Kisses

Bloody Kisses does not have some funny story behind it, its just a perfect goth metal album.

Why Rolling Stone (Probably) Didn't Put This On The List.
Def Leppard took their spot.

The Protomen - The Protomen

Stand Out Songs
1. Hope Rides Alone
3. Unrest In The House Of Light
4. The Will Of One
5. Vengeance
7. The Sons Of Fate

Whats It Sound Like?

It's like Pink Floyd wrote The Wall without good recording equipment, and instead of a wall it was written about an army of evil robots.


What Makes It So Special?
These guys did something amazing. They wrote a full on rock opera about the little blue video game character, here's the amazing part, they did that with out having it sound nerdy. But in all serious-ness, the rock opera tells the story of Dr. Thomas Light who creates a perfect machine to battle the evil Dr. Whilly and his robots, this machine is called Protoman. Protoman dies in battle. Years later Dr. Light builds another machine named Mega Man, to do the same thing. I really can't say much without giving spoilers, but it's awesome. Can you believe they made that not nerdy? This being the bands first release the sound quality is not great by any stretch of the imagination, but trust me if anything it makes it sound cooler.


Why Rolling Stone (Probably) Didn't Put This On The List.
Marvel fan boys....

A N00b's Guide To The Internet: Digital Drugs

Lets face it drugs are everywhere, and the Internet is no exception. Digital drugs are now actually quite a common thing, but what are they? How do they work? If they even work at all that is.

Digital drugs aren't as new as you might think, in fact they are actually down right old, dating back to 1839 when Heinrich Wilhelm Dove discovered Binaural beats. A Binaural beat is created when two different tones are play in each ear, the tones must be of slightly different frequency's. The tones should "mix" together a produce a third tone that sounds like it is coming from inside your head. Sounds totally dangerous and sounds like you probably shouldn't do it but don't worry the website says its not harmful.

But does it actually work? Well being the investigative journalist that I am, I decided that, in the name of science, I would try it. This is how it went down.

I plugged my headphones in feeling skeptical, i mean who wouldn't be a little skeptical? Press play on itunes. Suddenly I hear low buzzing/humming sounds, with occasional water flowing, or some one peeing I really couldn't tell. This went on for about 20 or so min, than it was over. I felt normal still and just naturally assumed that it did not work. Than I looked at my chair and was like," Whoa my chairs really small." Than I saw my desk and went, "Whoa my desk is really small." In a state of part panic and part shock I decided to text Jack, but my phone was just to small. I vividly remember thinking to myself, "Why did I buy this phone? It's far to small for me! It's far to small for anyone, this is ridiculous!" This lasted for about 20 min until everything went back to normal.

Let's say that you wanted to try this for yourself, where would you get these mp3 files? I-Doser.com specializes in selling these files. This website sells a variety of different MP3 all said to have different effects, everything from the effects of a bottle of wine to the effects of snorting 6 lines of coke. I of course acquired my mp3 through "a legal" means *wink* *wink*

Yes I guess this could be viewed as bad and people could get addicted to it, but hey, people get addicted to anything and everything all the time anyways. While it was..(weird?) to try I probably wont try it again.

But if I was I would drop $200 for the "Gates Of Hades" mp3. It stimulates a birds eye view over hell....Awesome.