A N00b's Guide To The Internet: Social Networking

Social Networking is something that I never quite understood or liked that much, even though I seem to be the person that these sites would be targeting. A teenage boy with a small social life and a computer in his room, that's the main target right? In theory they sound like a really neat idea, you and your friends have profiles filed with personal information about you guys and whenever anyone wants to be your "friend" you share this information with them. What could possibly go wrong with this?

Myspace was not the first social networking site to ever come to be but it was the first one for me. I'm guessing that when someone started this site they were thinking it would be great, you could post bulletins of information, you could blog you could even customize your profile by using other peoples stuff to express your individuality. Sounds fun, but it really wasn't. The bulletin system, I'm guessing, was supposed to be used to share information for a group of people, kind of like one of the boards that bulletins go on, what are those called again? That is not what they were used for though. You know the those surveys that you would have to take at school? Yeah those suck, what I don't get is that people would do these for fun than post them on these bulletin boards. Do they expect me to read these? I don't care what you had for dinner last night I really don't. Than I stopped and thought to myself, why would some one post this crap? Your putting out more information on a site that's already full of information about you. Don't worry though its all good, it's just your "friends" after all right?

Okay I really can't rag on Tumblr that much because I've never actually used it, but there is a good reason for that. Here is every interaction I have ever had with tumblr and/or its users.

No, and neither does half the world. Nuff' said....Damn hipsters.

Once again, another great idea that just didn't work (for me) Twitter is like everybody in the world got together in one big room and just continually yelled everything that they were doing, thinking, thinking about doing, and things they are doing while they were thinking about things. I mean how much do you REALLY need to know about your friends? Do you really have to know what they had for dinner? Do you really have to know what Ashton Kutcher is always up too? Well more than 1,000,000 people care about that one but that's beside the point. I guess the big problem I have/had with twitter is that it made me realize that my life sucks. Here is an example of my twitter feed.

April 27 5:27
Heading home

April 27 5:45
Makin Mac & Cheese

Than someone response to that by saying something stupid and completely worthless like
"Yummy" or even worse just plane and simple "cool" never capitalized, ever.

April 27 6:30
Watchin @Lost

Once again someone will say "cool" It goes on like that for more or less 5 or so pages until i realized this website was not meant for me.

And finally I come to Facebook. After Myspace kind of died I thought I was done with social networking, but being the absolute social butterfly that I am, I just have to keep in touch with all of my people all over the country. So I set up the account, add a few people than go to bed to pass out. As I awake the next morning I find that I have a few friend requests, for some reason every ex-girlfriend that I've ever had seemed to have found me and wants to "friend" me. Yeah I definitely want to be your friend and see all of the pictures of your new boyfriend and how much better your life is now...That was sarcasm if you didn't catch on. I swear I've got a league of evil ex's. Another thing that bothers me about facebook is it claims it has all of this privacy and wants to keep you safe but I'm just saying, this site lists:
1. Your name
2. Your location
3. Photos of what you look like
4. Who your family is
5. How they are related to you

6. 1-3 about your family

7. Live updates of what you are doing

I'm just saying, if I wanted to brutally murder you and your whole family this website makes it quite easy, I'm just sayin....

Dear Rolling Stone....

I Just spent my time looking through your list of the 500 "Greatest" albums of all time and I must say I do not agree, no sir not one bit! Marvin Gaye number 6? Beach Boys number 2? Sure there ok but do they deserve to be that high up on the list? You do know that you have The Beastie Boys on your list 3 times right? Oh sorry I thought that was a mistake, you must just of shit taste in music.

Below you will find a few albums you may have missed, enjoy.


Hugs & Kisses
West Smith ;D
XOXOX

Type O Negative - Origin Of The Feces/Bloody Kisses

Stand Out Songs
1. Unsuccessfully Coping With The Natural Beauty of Infidelity
2. Are You Afraid
3. Gravity
6. Hey Pete
7. Kill You Tonight (Reprise)
8. Paranoid

Stand Out Songs
2. Christian Woman
3.Black No.1 (Little Miss Scare-All)
6. Summer Breeze
9. We Hate Everyone
10. Bloody Kisses (A Death In The Family)
12. Too Late: Frozen
13. Blood & Fire

Whats It Sound Like?
The single best goth metal band to deal with lost love, infidelity and death and still be funny.

What Makes Them So Special?
I really don't know, it might be there 6 foot 8 giant of a singer with the deepest voice I've ever heard, or it might be the fact that they put out the same album twice and got away with it. When putting Type O on here i really had a hard time deciding what album to pick because every single one is so different and good its hard to pick just one, so I didn't.

Origin Of The Feces
This album is a fake live album, what's a fake live album? Well when Type got a record deal they were more than excited, and they spent all of the money on coke and alcohol leaving little if any money left for recording. So what did they do? Added a some sound effects to there old album and renamed the songs. BAM! New album. The weird thing is that this album is

actually pretty good a master piece go get it.

Bloody Kisses

Bloody Kisses does not have some funny story behind it, its just a perfect goth metal album.

Why Rolling Stone (Probably) Didn't Put This On The List.
Def Leppard took their spot.

The Protomen - The Protomen

Stand Out Songs
1. Hope Rides Alone
3. Unrest In The House Of Light
4. The Will Of One
5. Vengeance
7. The Sons Of Fate

Whats It Sound Like?

It's like Pink Floyd wrote The Wall without good recording equipment, and instead of a wall it was written about an army of evil robots.


What Makes It So Special?
These guys did something amazing. They wrote a full on rock opera about the little blue video game character, here's the amazing part, they did that with out having it sound nerdy. But in all serious-ness, the rock opera tells the story of Dr. Thomas Light who creates a perfect machine to battle the evil Dr. Whilly and his robots, this machine is called Protoman. Protoman dies in battle. Years later Dr. Light builds another machine named Mega Man, to do the same thing. I really can't say much without giving spoilers, but it's awesome. Can you believe they made that not nerdy? This being the bands first release the sound quality is not great by any stretch of the imagination, but trust me if anything it makes it sound cooler.


Why Rolling Stone (Probably) Didn't Put This On The List.
Marvel fan boys....

A N00b's Guide To The Internet: Digital Drugs

Lets face it drugs are everywhere, and the Internet is no exception. Digital drugs are now actually quite a common thing, but what are they? How do they work? If they even work at all that is.

Digital drugs aren't as new as you might think, in fact they are actually down right old, dating back to 1839 when Heinrich Wilhelm Dove discovered Binaural beats. A Binaural beat is created when two different tones are play in each ear, the tones must be of slightly different frequency's. The tones should "mix" together a produce a third tone that sounds like it is coming from inside your head. Sounds totally dangerous and sounds like you probably shouldn't do it but don't worry the website says its not harmful.

But does it actually work? Well being the investigative journalist that I am, I decided that, in the name of science, I would try it. This is how it went down.

I plugged my headphones in feeling skeptical, i mean who wouldn't be a little skeptical? Press play on itunes. Suddenly I hear low buzzing/humming sounds, with occasional water flowing, or some one peeing I really couldn't tell. This went on for about 20 or so min, than it was over. I felt normal still and just naturally assumed that it did not work. Than I looked at my chair and was like," Whoa my chairs really small." Than I saw my desk and went, "Whoa my desk is really small." In a state of part panic and part shock I decided to text Jack, but my phone was just to small. I vividly remember thinking to myself, "Why did I buy this phone? It's far to small for me! It's far to small for anyone, this is ridiculous!" This lasted for about 20 min until everything went back to normal.

Let's say that you wanted to try this for yourself, where would you get these mp3 files? I-Doser.com specializes in selling these files. This website sells a variety of different MP3 all said to have different effects, everything from the effects of a bottle of wine to the effects of snorting 6 lines of coke. I of course acquired my mp3 through "a legal" means *wink* *wink*

Yes I guess this could be viewed as bad and people could get addicted to it, but hey, people get addicted to anything and everything all the time anyways. While it was..(weird?) to try I probably wont try it again.

But if I was I would drop $200 for the "Gates Of Hades" mp3. It stimulates a birds eye view over hell....Awesome.

A N00b's Guide To The Internet: Anonymous

Who is Anonymous? Anonymous isn't anyone, But it is a lot of people. Anonymous has no leader, but carries out planed attacks and raids. Simply put if the Internet was a movie, Anonymous would be the bad guy. But what makes them so bad? I mean after all, they are the people that gave us you dun goof'd. Well Let me tell you.

It all started in in 2006 with the Habbo raids. Habbo is an Social MMO where people go to socialize. On a planned day Anonymous users joined the site creating avatars of black men with suits and grey afros, with these avatars Anonymous blocked off entrances to certain areas of the site saying it was "closed due to aids." They also used all of there avatars to create swastika formations all over the website.

Also in 2006 Anonymous lunched a raid against a white supremacy radio show in New Jersey. It started with prank phone calls than escalated to a DDoS attack, (Distributed Denial-of-Service attack) This caused the radio host, Hal Turner, to try and sue 4chan.org, the site that Anonymous is know to use. He lost the law suit and than quit his job. Both of these attacks were nothing compared to what Anonymous had planed next.


On January 21st 2008 Anonymous hacked the Church Of Scientology youtube channel and posted a video called "A Message to Scientology" This video started the war between Anonymous and Scientology. Anonymous planed DDoS attacks and took down the Churches websites and sent black faxes to the church itself.

On February 2th, 2008 Anonymous posted another video called "Call To Action" This video encouraged people to protest the church of Scientology in non-violent ways. On February 10th about 8,000 people in 93 city's protested the church of Scientology.




Also in 2008 Anonymous took to many forum websites such as SOHH.com, Allhiphop.com and an Epilepsy support forum. SOHH and Allhiphop are both hip hop and rap oriented sites (obviously) Anonymous hacked into the site and changed all banners to have false news and racist images, while the Epilepsy support forum got hit with flashing images that were known to cause seizures. Both of the hip hop sites servers were crashed, and many people suffered from seizures.

As mentioned earlier Anonymous does sometimes harass young girls, now imagine with me that your a middle school girl in Cali (this is just a little weird) you decide, "Hey cussing is bad" so you start the no cussing club. Its place for teenagers to discuss clean things and of course no cussing. It was all fun and games until Anonymous found them. Anonymous raided the site of personal information and her house became the target of many prank calls and LOTS of porn delivery's.


Can people from a group that seems to cause nothing but trouble ever do anything good for anyone? Surprisingly yes. Chris Forcand was a 53 year old Internet predator with two accounts of luring children under 14 to have sex with him. Anonymous tracked him down and had him arrested, this has been the first case of Internet vigilantism. In another case of Anonymous tracked down a woman that posted a video of her self throwing puppy's into a river to drown, Anonymous leaked all of her personal information to the Internet.



In my opinion people in Anonymous are the best example of what happens when people think they are anonymous...They act like dicks.

Sometimes I Play Video Games: Fallout New Vegas

This has been a game that I have been waiting for since Fallout 3 came out in 2008, after putting an almost 100 hours I feel like I am to review it, and can honestly say this game is a broken piece of s#:t.

What makes this game broken you ask? Well off the top of my head

1. The game crashes once every give or take 30 min

2. Some times the ground decides that it no longer wishes to be solid, so I fall through it in to an blackness forever without dying.

3. When I walk to a room a fire my shot gun every item in the room floats to the ceiling, and stays there.

4. While wondering the wasteland I have been killed by plants that randomly spawn.

5. Followers in this game can not die, ever.

6. Never mind they can die by falling through the ground or randomly floating into space.

7. I picked up my game at Game stop so I got a special gun, I put a mod on this gun and now there is a red box with an explanation mark, this is because the gun was never modeled in Pre-production. This also stops me from being able to use the gun.
GAME BREAKER(kinda)

Surprisingly though, even with all of these bugs the game is awesome, like really awesome. The game keeps everything that I liked about Fallout 3 and put everything I liked from Fallout 1 and 2. The game looks exactly like Fallout 3, but set in the west coast like in 1 and 2. The trait system is also back from Fallout 1 and 2. This makes your character far more customizable, in this game if you want to you can play as the 8 ft tall Neanderthal with 0 intelligence, you can also play as the weakling with 100 percent intelligence, its up to you. Your not playing as the faceless character that you played as in Fallout 3.

Adding factions to the game in theory sounds like a good idea, choose witch group you want to side with and help them out. Except every thing I do in this game pisses some one else off, like pisses them off enough to send people to kill me. Here's another bug, the people that they send to kill you don't walk up to you or anything, they spawn behind you at random times and shoot you. Rad. Another change that they made in this game was making it so that you can't be god. You can't hit level 20 and have nothing kill you. In this game 4-5 shots your dead. End of story.

Hardcore mode is also something new that they added to this game. In hardcore mode you have to sleep, you have to eat and you have to stay hydrated, or else you die, game over. Sounds fun huh?...Yeah, F**k that.

Overall if you liked Fallout 3 you might like it after it gets patched in a few months, just play Fallout 3 till than.

Dommin - Love Is Gone

Stand Out Songs
1. My Heart, Your Hands
2. New
5. Love Is Gone
6. Dark Holiday

Whats It Sound Like?
Sounds like Danzig found a band that new how to play there interments, except they were whinny and made Danzig sing about his emotions.


What Makes This Album So Special?
This album is a good example of what goth metal should be, sure its a little emo but its goth metal its supposed to be a LITTLE emo. They don't bash you over the head with stupid lyrics about break ups or how now one likes them, but yeah there is some emo in there. If that's a problem than just listen to the band, because they are awesome. The time changes in Dark Holiday should prove my point. There singer also has the raw power of Danzig's voice and a little of the tone but it's not to the point where all I can think about is, "wow this guy sounds like Danzig, but not as good" just enough to be awesome. To be straight to the point this is just bad ass.

Why Rolling Stone (Probably) Didn't Put This On The List.

They must not be down with the pleather.

"We're not emo goshhh"

CKY - Vol.1

Stand Out Songs
1. 96 Quite Bitter Beings
2. Rio Bravo
3. Disengage The Simulator
4. The Human Drive in Hi-Fi
6. Knee Deep
7. My Promiscuous Daughter
8. Sara's Mask
9. To All Of You


Whats It Sound Like?
Pure awesomeness

What Makes It So Special?
Cky may be one of the most under rated guitar driven bands ever. Chad and Deron show impressively complex riffs on every song over a pretty wide range of styles. While Cky's other albums are also good this one is by far the best. Every song is perfect and I honestly can't recommend it enough.

Why Rolling Stone (Probably) Didn't Put This On The List.

Because Rolling Stone Hates Cky.

A_Rival - 8 Bit-Pimp

Stand Out Songs
2. A_Rival
7. Show Me Girl
9. Push It Down
12. Serious Business
14. 8-Bit Pimp

Whats It Sound Like
Dr. Dre and Busta Rhymes go to the arcade

What Makes This So Special?
That is a poor question to ask about this album, I mean what DOESNT make this album special? A rap artist who uses old Nintendo sounds for his beats while he raps about Street Fighter and other old school video games? What else do you need? Its pretty awesome when you hear sounds that you recognize in the beat, and the whole album is easy to grove too. His style is awesome, the references and nods to nerd culture he gives through out the album never get old, "What can I do to make it better for you?" "Make me a sandwich while I play Street Fighter II." Pure win. It's almost sad that music this good is going unplayed.

The only thing that I can hold against this album is that at times the music can over power the vocals, although it is rare it does happen and its a bit annoying. Still the album is amazing and you should go buy it, now.

Why Rolling Stone (Probably) Didn't Put This On The List.
He dosen't sing about how much money and stuff he has enough.

Sometimes I Play Video Games: Dead Rising 2

One of my two followers on here may have heard of the game Dead Rising 2 witch came out last week. Well being me I was pretty stocked to play it so I gameflyed it for the weekend and all I can say is, F*ck you.

Nah just kiddin, but seriously, it was pretty bad.

Just The Facts Man
The game focuses on Chuck Greene and his daughter, who's name I cant remember because well I don't really care about her. You guys are quarantined into what is pretty much Las Vegas, oh and there is alot of zombies, like alot alot, we are talking about 6,000 on screen at once. Chuck gets blamed for the zombie out break and works to clear his name.

The gameplay itself is fun because well you can use anything, and it is pretty satisfying to kill a zombie using the arm of a passed out dead hooker. The part that is super annoying is that the game runs on a time based system. Let me explain this.

The game is not level based, instead it works on in game time, in this game you have 72 hours to do everything. But in this 72 hours you have other time based objectives examples: Every 24 hours you have to give you daughter medicine, or you lose. You have to get to each mission at the proper in game time, or you lose. You have to use the bathroom on time, or you lose.

Just kiddin about that last one, but seriously, its pretty annoying.

Oh also when you lose you only have one save file, this means that usually when you lose you don't get to start at the last check point you were at, you just restart the game. You don't just restart when you lose a mission either, also every time you die, witch is alot. In the 4 hours that I played this game I restarted about 7 or so times, and trust me those cut scenes get funnyer every time I saw them, I'm laughing just thinking about them.

Me

I made that picture.

This was by far the most frustrating experience I have had in a very long time, and last weekend I cooked a banana soufflé with no cooking knowledge and just the Internet.

I Didn't Feel Like Reading The Whole Blog So I Skipped To This Part

If I had to give this game a rating I would give it good solid, f**k you.

Nah just kiddin, but seriously I hate it.

Ipod's Will Make You Go Blind.

Being an Apple fan boy (and I am one) it hurts me to say this but Apple's new ipod nano has a high risk of making you go blind.

"But wait a second West! How does a device that is meant to play music make you go blind? Don't you mean go deaf?"

No I mean they will cause you to lose your sight. Read on to find out how!

As we all know ipods have small screens on them that show you what you are listening to. Since the beginning Apple has been using simple LCD screens and it has been going well for them, but the new nanos use a totally different system. What they use is a very small vacuum tube called Cathode Ray Tubes. These tubes are about 300 times stronger than the LCD that the older model used. Not only is this technology far to powerful than the device calls for, it also uses gamma correction on all of the luminances, causing the Luminous flux to shoot up to dangerously high levels.
The Luminous flux levels.

got that?
Stay with me now, its about to get weird.

The device has such a small screen that even having the ipod up to a foot and a half is close enough to cause severe damage to your retinal ganglion cells, after a few hours of contact with this ipod you will have lost enough retinal ganglion cells to cause Glaucoma, and that will progress to blindness.


Clicking on the picture will make it larger and easier to see.

How could something like this slip by Apple? Well the problem didn't slip by apple, they actually had a recall of the nano claiming that the nano would "overheat" but we know what really happened don't we?

After the recall apple returned to the old LCD layout that has served them so well over the years and, except for a few cases, everyone is fine.

I highly recommend that you click this link for the full story.

Although You Think Its Real, It's Not: Brontosaurus'

That's right, Brontosaurus' are not real. Get it? Got it? Good. Moving on.

You See Whad Had Happened Was...

There was this guy named Othniel Charles Marsh. Marsh wanted to get a head of the fossil finding game, but he had one problem, he was not good at finding fossils. So what do you do when you need to finding something new that no one has ever seen or heard of? You just make something up. What he did was take the body of a Apatosaurus and the head of aCamarasaurus, than ta dah! The Brontosaurus is born.

Othniel Charles Marsh

In the words of Holden Caulfield, “You sir, are a big fat phony.”

My big question about all of this sis how come no one seems to know about this? Are scientists to proud to just come out and be like, “Yeah so turns out we were wrong.” I mean its been know that this is not a real animal since the 1960’s, But whatever At least our kids are learning from them.

Paris Hilton Wins.

Yes that is right, Paris Hilton wins. What does she win at? Everything.


"I'm like so much better than you!"

I know what your thinking, this doesn't seem right, how can Paris be a winner? Well because honestly that's the only word that comes to mind. How many other fashion designers/ actress/ models/ published author/ musicians/ porn stars/ video game developers can you think of?

My point exactly.

Now you might be saying

"But West I could do all of that stuff! Doesn't mean its good!"

Yeah well I'm sorry man because she actually has a decent track record. Allmusic.com gave her album a 4.5 out of 5 stars. Ever seen the movie "Repo! The Genetic Opera"? She had a lead role in that and that film got a 74% on rotten tomatoes. And if that's not enough not only does she have 2 published books but she also has a quote in the Oxford Dictionary Of Quotations, no joke.

Lets add this stuff up here real fast.
Paris has:
150'sh articles of clothing in her fashion line.
12 different fragrances in her perfume line.
4 hair products in her hair product line.
87 watches in her watch line.
2 nightclubs.
5 seasons of her own reality show.
1 CD.
2 published books.
1 trademarked phrase.
she also has has a pet line of clothes, a jewelry line, a footwear line, a sunglasses line, a line of swim wear line, a line of nail polish and lingerie..But there's too much to count if you really feel like counting all of it click here.

I still don't completely understand it but, good job Paris.
You Win.

You See Whad Had Happened Was... (The Jessi Slaughter Story)

Have you ever heard of a site called 4Chan? No? Well let me tell you what it is. 4Chan is the self-proclaimed "A**-Hole of the Internet." It's a place where all of the Internet trolls meet, be trolls together and ruin peoples lives with their troll message broads. This is entirely true story of one of the few times I was ever on 4chan.

I went to 4chan one faithful night because a friend, that I will not name, set me a link to the /b/ thread. In this tread was a video of an 11 year old girl, who called herself "Jessi Slaughter" telling me that if I keep hating on her she will, and I quote, "Pop a glock in my mouth and make a brain slushie."

My reaction to the video.

Now being that this all took place on a website full of trolls, Jessi Slaughter was not going to get away with them just laughing at her. What had happened was from Jessi's youtube account they found her Myspace and Facebook pages. With those they got the state that she lived in along with the town and her last name. With this information they got her home phone number and street address. Have you ever done that prank where you order a pizza to someones house? It's pretty funny because they didn't order the pizza but now they have it. Now imagine a website of +50,000 people doing that to you. That would suck right? But that's not all that happened. I got another scenario for you.

So you just got into bed, you had a long day, your about to fall asleep when the phone rings. You drag yourself out of bed to answer it. Than when you pick it up someone calls you gay and hangs up. That would suck right? Now imagine a website of +50,000 people doing that to you.

After about a week of this Jessi Slaughter posted another video. In this video she is crying stating that her life is ruined. Than suddenly her dad busts in yelling "AND DON'T YOU BE SAYING SUICIDE!" This is were things get kind of funny. Her dad yells things into the camera that became instant Internet memes. Things like "You dun goofed", "Consequences will never be the same."



But wait! There's more!

Being me I some times say words I don't understand but think I do. Later in the video Jessi's dad does the same. In what I'm guessing was a blind rage he yells, " you bunch of lying no good punks, and I know who you are because I backtraced it." See what I mean? Instead of letting it die down you just threw more wood on the fire, nice.

Another couple days went bye, than ABC’s Good Morning America picked up on the story.


4:13 yes Rap music is to blame for all of this.

from reading my blog and watching that video you might think that all of this is unjustified hate, but here is the slight twist. The reason that all of this started is because Jessi posted sexually explicit photos of herself on the Internet than made 4-5 videos of herself saying that she is better than everyone and all of the reasons why she is perfect.

And because of all of this I will never use 4chan again.

f

Need To Get Marryed? (How I Become A Minister)

I know what your thinking, "West! You became a minister?! Doesn't that require years of studying? Don't you have to climb a mountain to learn a lesson from the man who lives at the top?" To keep it simple, No.

"Well than West, how did you become a minister?"
The same way Homer did on that episode of the Simpsons. Yeah it was pretty much the exact same process that Homer went through, just instead of paying $200 I only had to pay $10.
All I did was verifier an email and answer 12 basic questions (Such as name and location) than I was done, the end. Seriously, no quiz on religion or marriage laws. They didn't even bring up the fact that I'm under 18!



That is not my official Certificate Of Ordination. My official certificate is on it's way.


So why is this so easy? Because of the Separation Of Church And State. When becoming a minister you don't have to fill out any government forms.This cuts down on a lot of time.
But how can it be that easy?! I mean don't you need something else to marry people?


The answer to that is yes. In most places you also need a Letter Of Good Standing from the church and an Ordination Credential. I know, I know. A Letter Of Good Standing from a church? I'm screwed! Oh wait, the same website that Ordained me also sells both of these things. So if you have $25 and about 6 minutes. You too can also become a minister!


Anyone want to get married?




How Filming My Life Turned Into Amature Gay Porn

About 6 months go now I bought Flip video camera, with this camera my friends and I filmed things that would happen through out our day such as walking to a store or something of that nature. The videos were than posted under the youtube page "ChicksWithBallss" (there is two ss because ChicksWithBalls was taken and was a page where women would film themselves talking about sports)

Anyways a few months go by when my friend Jack decides he wants to film himself pooping for the Internet. This is not as bad as it sounds, there is no nudity or anything. Its just him in a bathroom doing his thing while looking into the camera.

The Video Watch At Own Risk


This video has now gotten +3,000 views in 3 months. But wait! There's more!

With the youtube feature "Insight" you can see who is watching this video!

Now if you look at the chart you'll see that most of the views are from dudes 45-54. The other large amount of views come from chicks 45-54 aka dudes saying they are chicks...Gross

It doesn't stop there though! Read some of the comments on the videos! They are horrible! But we do have dedicated fans, so dedicated that we have gotten a second Filp from a fan to make sure Jack still does the videos!

My Weekend On The Internet.

The Internet, in my mind, the best thing ever made for any purpose ever. This weekend I spent most of my Internet time on two websites, I would like to discus my findings with you.

Have you ever heard of the website Chatroulette? No? Well I'll give you the story on it. Chatroulette is a site that was made by a 17 year old Russian boy for the reason that he thought it would be cool. But what is it? Chatroulette is a website that pairs you with a stranger from anywhere in the world. Once you are paired with a stranger you video/text/audio chat with them or you can just click the next button and be paired with another person. It is a great site for people to come together a discuss there thoughts in a polite manner, yeah that's a total lie. At any given time the site has 35,000 people on it, about 100 of them have clothes on. Most of the time I was on Chatroulette people were jerkin it, cause you know I just don't see that enough in a normal day. Besides seeing naked dudes I also got a good number of people flipping me off than going away, oh and one time I saw a girl, she skipped me. I saw one more thing that bothered me slightly, it was a room with a dead guy hanging himself, of course I had to look into this a little bit.

The hanging man is not actually a guy that killed himself, In fact its far from it. The hanging man is an art project by "Internet artists" Eva and Franco Mattes. Eva and Franco do these kind of projects and post the best results of there art on there website, www.0100101110101101.org. The artists said that they were shocked by peoples reactions to this project. I think that this one is my favorite of all of them.
The rest of the gallery can be viewed here. As I said early Eva and Franco have a number of projects that they have done, here are my favorites. Life Sharing, What is it? Life Sharing was a project that involved the artists opening there computer to the world and giving the people the ability to view all of there text documents, all of there photos, videos you name it! The project ended in 2003. Traveling by Telephone, what was it? Traveling by telephone was an art exhibit of photos taken of people looking at photos of photos taken from video games. Confusing? Yeah I know, here is an example to help you understand what I'm talking about.

The Game photos are from "Half Life 2" Nerds FTW! (FTW= For the win)

Finally my favorite piece by Eva and Franco, Biennale.py. What is it? It's a computer virus that doubles as a work of art. Pure awesome.

As i stated at the start of this paper, I was on two websites this weekend. What was the other one? It's weird.

Ever see music videos that are so bad that the band in it knows that it's bad so than they don't take it seriously? Ever seen a music video that is just horrible, but the band is dead serious?
This happened when I watched Dennis Madalone's video "America We Stand As One." Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for pride in your country, but this guy takes it a little bit to far. Before you read any further, please watch the music video here. Once at the site just click the tab "Music Video."

Since he did put this on the Internet, there is going to be some haters, a lot of them. So when people hate you what's the one thing that you just shouldn't do? How about post your home phone number on the Internet.
Yeah, I got the Dennis Madalone wallpaper, don't be haten!

I know it's a little hard to see but if you look to the right of the picture of Dennis in a pile of puppys you can see it (1-323-462-2301) Needles to say, I called Dennis to see if he would be interested in playing Ketchikan for Christmas in June. This is how my talk with him went.
Ring Ring

Stranger: Hello?

Me: Hello! Is Dennis there?

Stranger: May I ask who is calling?

Me: Yes, my name is West.

Stranger: Hello West, may I ask why you would like to speak to Dennis today?

Me: I just was blown away by his music and was wondering if he would be interested in playing a Christmas show.

Stranger: (in a very surprised tone) Are you serious?

Me: I'm 100% serious!

Stranger: Well I'll leave a note for Dennis so that he knows you called and I'll have him get back to you as soon as he can.

Me: Thank you.

Click

24 hours pass.

Ring Ring

Stranger: Hello?

Me: Hello, it's West. I called yesterday about Dennis playing a show for us during Christmas in June.

Stranger: Oh yeah hey! Dennis is busy working on Star Trek right now.

Me: (in my head) WTF. (What I actually said) Oh well just makes sure that he gets the message for me.

Stranger: You know that Dennis isn't a musician right? He only wrote that one song.

Me: (Just learning this information) Yeah, that's all we need.

Stranger: So let me get this straight. You want Dennis to fly to where ever you are...

Me: Alaska.

Stranger: You want Dennis to fly to Alaska to play one song for you during Christmas?

Me: Christmas in June.

Stranger: Umm I'll let him know that.

Click


I'm still waiting to hear back from Dennis,I'll more than likely call him every day until he calls me back.

The 12 Awesome-est Things I Could Find On Ebay In One Hour

Ebay. A website that sells everything you could ever want or need (except human organs.) The fallowing is a list of some of the coolest/weirdest stuff I found on ebay in one hour.

The first, and maybe least existing of my findings, PINECONES 120 Large - XL Fresh pine cones (that's how it was written in the ad.) This guy is selling "quality inspected" pinecones straight from Columbia and South Carolina. You know how those places are just known for there pine cones. Oh yeah and he wants $48.50 for the cones than another $43.98 for shipping.

Next on my list is "My soul!" You can bid for it with the starting price of $250,000 or you can just buy it now for $1,000,000. His name is Andrew D. Jordan and he's a 23 year old male. Has this guy not seen the Simpsons when Bart sells his soul? Electronic doors don't open for him! He can't breath on glass to write on it! I don't think that this guy is aware of what he is actually doing here.

Remember that movie Back To The Future? Yeah it was pretty awesome. Know what would be even more awesome though? Having your own DeLorean Time Machine. For $59,999.00 it can be yours! Still iffy about this? What if I told you famous people party in this thing? Awesome right? Wrong. Bret Michaels rode in your car? Awesome! Your car now has every STD known to man!

So you bought your awesome car, some guys soul and some pine cones. But what good is all of this stuff if your alone? Well you don't have to be! Because for a starting bid of $5,ooo dollars this guy will marry you! Seems awesome this guy gets cash for marrying some one just so they can live here. It's like he wins just for being American. Only one thing wrong with this dudes plan. It's illegal. So saying that you will do it on ebay is a pretty bad idea.

Ever have an idea for a tattoo but it's such a bad idea you won't get it? I still want Bowser from Super Mario Bros riding a surf board with sun glasses, and playing Jimmy Pages double neck guitar with the words "Let's Party" next to him. This tattoo is far to awesome for some one like me. For $5,000,000 this guy will sell you the right to tattoo his left arm. From forearm to elbow. "our favorite sports team (I hate the Red Sox, so you could tattoo "Go Redsox!" all over my forearm)... " Are you serious? I spend 5 million dollars and you think your going to get away with a go red sox tattoo? Your at least getting one dick on you.

Ever see movies about the future? You know how in the future all of the guns shoot lasers? Pretty awesome right? What if i told you that you can buy the patents & rights for a BCB laser based firearm on ebay? Well you can buy the patents & rights for a BCB laser based fire arm on ebay. What I'm wondering is, since I'm buying the patents does that mean that I can make my own design for the guns? I think you know where I'm going with this.

One Slightly Used Roll Of Nice White Soft Toilet Paper, $85,000.

End of story.

Let's take a look at the world of art shall we? First look at this picture. How much would you pay for this? Well he wants $21,000,000.00 for this picture. Seems a little much. Than again he's only 22 and probably still thinks that he is going to be something. Silly kids.

So instead of buying a painting why not buy something different? Like a, and I quote "FLYING SAUCER PROTOTYPE MODEL - BOEING.. UFO REAL DEAL" For only $3,750 you can travel in still with your very own UFO. Here is a quote from the description of the product,
"THE BLACK HELICOPTERS ARE NOT HERE YET BUT THE HEAR IS ON IN THE FORM OF E-MAIL THREATS MAKE AND OFFER SOON BEFORE THE MAN SHUTS ME DOWN!"
That sounds like someone I want to give my money too.

It says "Real Deal" in the title, so you know it's legit.

The last thing I want to write about is one of the best. An a letter to JFK's best friend saying sorry for stealing his girlfriend.Because in American, history is made, than sold on ebay.

Why I Don't Take Rap Seriously.

Rap is a form of music, before I even start I want to make it clear that there are rappers out there who are actually making real music. The ones I'm talking about are not.

Now I am aware that there are bad lyrics in every genera of music but rap has got to be up there for just some of the worst song titles and lyrics ever. I would like to take a moment to show you some of my personal favorite. Ever hear of Rick Ross? Me too! He's simply my favorite! What's your favorite song? Yeah I know its a hard one. Right now I'm really into "Hit U From The Back," although "Where My Money At? (I Need Cash)" is pretty good too. You also can't go wrong with "Prayer." Wait a second. Prayer? Like pray to god prayer? Yeah this song starts with Psalm 27, than the rest of it is him praying to god. Rick Ross is not the only rapper to do this though. DMX also includes prayers on his album. Not one. Not two. But five different prayers though out his career. In fact in 2009 DMX was trying to become a TV preacher. Yeah. That's right.

Being a rapper/preacher isn't all that DMX does though. He is also an MMA fighter. Don't believe me?
Although DMX did back out of the fight, it gets better. In his place Coolio stepped in. In a way that's better than DMX. My question is why would anyone want to fight DMX? Do you know how many people DMX has stabbed? Enough to make me not want to fight him. Ever.

I wouldn't know what its like but I'm guessing when your famous you get to a point that you realize that your fame really won't last forever. This has got to be the case with 50 Cent. This guy has his name on everything, including a video game where you get to play as him and fight terrorists in Iraqi.

<---That's 100% real.

In fact, I have actually played this game! A I'm going to explain what happened the best that I can. So you play as 50 Cent. For some reason your playing a rap show in Iraqi, and Iraqi is like a full on war zone looking place. So your 50 Cent playing a rap show in a war zone. Than after the show you go backstage to get your money from the guy that hired you and you find out that he can't pay you. So what's 50 do? He pulls a shot gun out of no where and presses it against the dudes head. The guy tells him that he doesn't have the money but he can pay you in something else. How does he pay you? With a diamond encrusted human skull. 50 takes it and leaves. Now you cruising down what's left of the war zone streets, in your Hummer of course. When suddenly there is an explosion. What happened? Terrorists shot your Hummer with a rocket launcher. Why? Because they some how knew that you had a diamond encrusted skull and they wanted it. You than spend the rest of the game fighting terrorists trying to get your diamond encrusted skull back. I couldn't make this up even if i tried.

Now how could some one who put out a video game this awesome possibly make people not take them seriously? 5o Cent also put out a male make up line, for men who like to,"Pamper themselves." That's just so uncool its going to make people forget how cool he is for getting shot 9 times. That's pretty hard to make uncool.

Ever heard the band Black Eyed Peas? Chances are you have. Ever heard the song they wrote called, I Gotta Feeling? This song has what I am now calling some of the worst lyrics in hip-hop history. The song starts with like a minute and a half of this, "I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night. That tonight's gonna be a good night.That tonight's gonna be a good, good night" That is repeated four times before the song actually starts. Than once it starts random bits of Hebrew are thrown in. "Fill up my cup, mozoltov! Look at her dancing, just take it off." Wow if I was Jewish i would probably be pretty offended that you used a word for weddings and bar mitzvas, to get a girl to take it off. Than later in the song the phrase "Let's do it" its said almost 50 times. Remember how i said repetitive is catchy? Well sometimes its just annoying. I'm also gonna add that it's by far one of the worst Beatles covers i've ever heard.