Sometimes I Play Video Games: Dead Rising 2

One of my two followers on here may have heard of the game Dead Rising 2 witch came out last week. Well being me I was pretty stocked to play it so I gameflyed it for the weekend and all I can say is, F*ck you.

Nah just kiddin, but seriously, it was pretty bad.

Just The Facts Man
The game focuses on Chuck Greene and his daughter, who's name I cant remember because well I don't really care about her. You guys are quarantined into what is pretty much Las Vegas, oh and there is alot of zombies, like alot alot, we are talking about 6,000 on screen at once. Chuck gets blamed for the zombie out break and works to clear his name.

The gameplay itself is fun because well you can use anything, and it is pretty satisfying to kill a zombie using the arm of a passed out dead hooker. The part that is super annoying is that the game runs on a time based system. Let me explain this.

The game is not level based, instead it works on in game time, in this game you have 72 hours to do everything. But in this 72 hours you have other time based objectives examples: Every 24 hours you have to give you daughter medicine, or you lose. You have to get to each mission at the proper in game time, or you lose. You have to use the bathroom on time, or you lose.

Just kiddin about that last one, but seriously, its pretty annoying.

Oh also when you lose you only have one save file, this means that usually when you lose you don't get to start at the last check point you were at, you just restart the game. You don't just restart when you lose a mission either, also every time you die, witch is alot. In the 4 hours that I played this game I restarted about 7 or so times, and trust me those cut scenes get funnyer every time I saw them, I'm laughing just thinking about them.

Me

I made that picture.

This was by far the most frustrating experience I have had in a very long time, and last weekend I cooked a banana soufflé with no cooking knowledge and just the Internet.

I Didn't Feel Like Reading The Whole Blog So I Skipped To This Part

If I had to give this game a rating I would give it good solid, f**k you.

Nah just kiddin, but seriously I hate it.

Ipod's Will Make You Go Blind.

Being an Apple fan boy (and I am one) it hurts me to say this but Apple's new ipod nano has a high risk of making you go blind.

"But wait a second West! How does a device that is meant to play music make you go blind? Don't you mean go deaf?"

No I mean they will cause you to lose your sight. Read on to find out how!

As we all know ipods have small screens on them that show you what you are listening to. Since the beginning Apple has been using simple LCD screens and it has been going well for them, but the new nanos use a totally different system. What they use is a very small vacuum tube called Cathode Ray Tubes. These tubes are about 300 times stronger than the LCD that the older model used. Not only is this technology far to powerful than the device calls for, it also uses gamma correction on all of the luminances, causing the Luminous flux to shoot up to dangerously high levels.
The Luminous flux levels.

got that?
Stay with me now, its about to get weird.

The device has such a small screen that even having the ipod up to a foot and a half is close enough to cause severe damage to your retinal ganglion cells, after a few hours of contact with this ipod you will have lost enough retinal ganglion cells to cause Glaucoma, and that will progress to blindness.


Clicking on the picture will make it larger and easier to see.

How could something like this slip by Apple? Well the problem didn't slip by apple, they actually had a recall of the nano claiming that the nano would "overheat" but we know what really happened don't we?

After the recall apple returned to the old LCD layout that has served them so well over the years and, except for a few cases, everyone is fine.

I highly recommend that you click this link for the full story.

Although You Think Its Real, It's Not: Brontosaurus'

That's right, Brontosaurus' are not real. Get it? Got it? Good. Moving on.

You See Whad Had Happened Was...

There was this guy named Othniel Charles Marsh. Marsh wanted to get a head of the fossil finding game, but he had one problem, he was not good at finding fossils. So what do you do when you need to finding something new that no one has ever seen or heard of? You just make something up. What he did was take the body of a Apatosaurus and the head of aCamarasaurus, than ta dah! The Brontosaurus is born.

Othniel Charles Marsh

In the words of Holden Caulfield, “You sir, are a big fat phony.”

My big question about all of this sis how come no one seems to know about this? Are scientists to proud to just come out and be like, “Yeah so turns out we were wrong.” I mean its been know that this is not a real animal since the 1960’s, But whatever At least our kids are learning from them.

Paris Hilton Wins.

Yes that is right, Paris Hilton wins. What does she win at? Everything.


"I'm like so much better than you!"

I know what your thinking, this doesn't seem right, how can Paris be a winner? Well because honestly that's the only word that comes to mind. How many other fashion designers/ actress/ models/ published author/ musicians/ porn stars/ video game developers can you think of?

My point exactly.

Now you might be saying

"But West I could do all of that stuff! Doesn't mean its good!"

Yeah well I'm sorry man because she actually has a decent track record. Allmusic.com gave her album a 4.5 out of 5 stars. Ever seen the movie "Repo! The Genetic Opera"? She had a lead role in that and that film got a 74% on rotten tomatoes. And if that's not enough not only does she have 2 published books but she also has a quote in the Oxford Dictionary Of Quotations, no joke.

Lets add this stuff up here real fast.
Paris has:
150'sh articles of clothing in her fashion line.
12 different fragrances in her perfume line.
4 hair products in her hair product line.
87 watches in her watch line.
2 nightclubs.
5 seasons of her own reality show.
1 CD.
2 published books.
1 trademarked phrase.
she also has has a pet line of clothes, a jewelry line, a footwear line, a sunglasses line, a line of swim wear line, a line of nail polish and lingerie..But there's too much to count if you really feel like counting all of it click here.

I still don't completely understand it but, good job Paris.
You Win.

You See Whad Had Happened Was... (The Jessi Slaughter Story)

Have you ever heard of a site called 4Chan? No? Well let me tell you what it is. 4Chan is the self-proclaimed "A**-Hole of the Internet." It's a place where all of the Internet trolls meet, be trolls together and ruin peoples lives with their troll message broads. This is entirely true story of one of the few times I was ever on 4chan.

I went to 4chan one faithful night because a friend, that I will not name, set me a link to the /b/ thread. In this tread was a video of an 11 year old girl, who called herself "Jessi Slaughter" telling me that if I keep hating on her she will, and I quote, "Pop a glock in my mouth and make a brain slushie."

My reaction to the video.

Now being that this all took place on a website full of trolls, Jessi Slaughter was not going to get away with them just laughing at her. What had happened was from Jessi's youtube account they found her Myspace and Facebook pages. With those they got the state that she lived in along with the town and her last name. With this information they got her home phone number and street address. Have you ever done that prank where you order a pizza to someones house? It's pretty funny because they didn't order the pizza but now they have it. Now imagine a website of +50,000 people doing that to you. That would suck right? But that's not all that happened. I got another scenario for you.

So you just got into bed, you had a long day, your about to fall asleep when the phone rings. You drag yourself out of bed to answer it. Than when you pick it up someone calls you gay and hangs up. That would suck right? Now imagine a website of +50,000 people doing that to you.

After about a week of this Jessi Slaughter posted another video. In this video she is crying stating that her life is ruined. Than suddenly her dad busts in yelling "AND DON'T YOU BE SAYING SUICIDE!" This is were things get kind of funny. Her dad yells things into the camera that became instant Internet memes. Things like "You dun goofed", "Consequences will never be the same."



But wait! There's more!

Being me I some times say words I don't understand but think I do. Later in the video Jessi's dad does the same. In what I'm guessing was a blind rage he yells, " you bunch of lying no good punks, and I know who you are because I backtraced it." See what I mean? Instead of letting it die down you just threw more wood on the fire, nice.

Another couple days went bye, than ABC’s Good Morning America picked up on the story.


4:13 yes Rap music is to blame for all of this.

from reading my blog and watching that video you might think that all of this is unjustified hate, but here is the slight twist. The reason that all of this started is because Jessi posted sexually explicit photos of herself on the Internet than made 4-5 videos of herself saying that she is better than everyone and all of the reasons why she is perfect.

And because of all of this I will never use 4chan again.

f

Need To Get Marryed? (How I Become A Minister)

I know what your thinking, "West! You became a minister?! Doesn't that require years of studying? Don't you have to climb a mountain to learn a lesson from the man who lives at the top?" To keep it simple, No.

"Well than West, how did you become a minister?"
The same way Homer did on that episode of the Simpsons. Yeah it was pretty much the exact same process that Homer went through, just instead of paying $200 I only had to pay $10.
All I did was verifier an email and answer 12 basic questions (Such as name and location) than I was done, the end. Seriously, no quiz on religion or marriage laws. They didn't even bring up the fact that I'm under 18!



That is not my official Certificate Of Ordination. My official certificate is on it's way.


So why is this so easy? Because of the Separation Of Church And State. When becoming a minister you don't have to fill out any government forms.This cuts down on a lot of time.
But how can it be that easy?! I mean don't you need something else to marry people?


The answer to that is yes. In most places you also need a Letter Of Good Standing from the church and an Ordination Credential. I know, I know. A Letter Of Good Standing from a church? I'm screwed! Oh wait, the same website that Ordained me also sells both of these things. So if you have $25 and about 6 minutes. You too can also become a minister!


Anyone want to get married?




How Filming My Life Turned Into Amature Gay Porn

About 6 months go now I bought Flip video camera, with this camera my friends and I filmed things that would happen through out our day such as walking to a store or something of that nature. The videos were than posted under the youtube page "ChicksWithBallss" (there is two ss because ChicksWithBalls was taken and was a page where women would film themselves talking about sports)

Anyways a few months go by when my friend Jack decides he wants to film himself pooping for the Internet. This is not as bad as it sounds, there is no nudity or anything. Its just him in a bathroom doing his thing while looking into the camera.

The Video Watch At Own Risk


This video has now gotten +3,000 views in 3 months. But wait! There's more!

With the youtube feature "Insight" you can see who is watching this video!

Now if you look at the chart you'll see that most of the views are from dudes 45-54. The other large amount of views come from chicks 45-54 aka dudes saying they are chicks...Gross

It doesn't stop there though! Read some of the comments on the videos! They are horrible! But we do have dedicated fans, so dedicated that we have gotten a second Filp from a fan to make sure Jack still does the videos!