My Trip To The Virtual Corkscrew Museum

At first I was like, "Wtf" than I was like....

"WTF...."

After getting over the inishal shock of some one actually taking the time to make an entire website of corkscrews I went to the table of content and was overwhelmed with confusion. Why does a virtual corkscrew museum need a Armory? An aquarium? A tie rack? A china cabinet? And I'm just saying its a virtual museum, they have all of the space in the world, why does the art gallery need to be divided into a West wing and an East wing? It's definitely beyond me. I decided to go to the "About the Museum" tab.

I learned some pretty interesting things about the museum. One thing I learned is, like every museum ever, this virtual museum is old as balls. Created in 1994, witch is like 1894 in Internet years, the museum has had over 28,000,000 page hits and visits from people in over 102 countries. I'm callin bull on that statement. After learning a bit about the museum I headed to the Exhibit Hall.

I saw lots of neat corkscrews in the Exhibit Hall.

These molds made chocolate corkscrews

These were the best corkscrews of 1996

These are "Negro" head corkscrews

These corkscrews are modeled after Gay 90's Bar tenders

Sadly I could not view the erotic corkscrews

After the disappointment of not getting to see the erotic corkscrews I left the Exhibit hall. I continued to the next room, The Planetarium. Why does a virtual corkscrew museum have a planetarium? I have no idea.

After a bit of puzzling I discovered that the Planetarium is home to corkscrews that are modeled after constellations, They have 88 of them. The thing that really puzzles me about this room is that every corkscrew has some crazy design and under them it says, "It is not practical in use as a cork extractor."

How do you even use this thing?

Now I'm no corkscrew enthusiast or anything like that, but if a corkscrew fails to do the one thing that it was designed to do doesn't it than become more a piece of awkward art and less a corkscrew? I'm just sayin...Now on to the Sound Studio!

What exciting adventure awaits us in the sound studio? Well it says that it has sounds of various corkscrews, but have you ever used a corkscrew and heard that pop sound and thought to your self. "Wow that sounds alot like a Sea Lion yelling." Yeah me neither but for some reason Sea Lion, Tiger, Pelican, Santa and Rooster are all on the list. This has pretty much nothing to do with corkscrews at all. Words can not express my disappointment. To the aquarium!

Here I am greated by two viking looking corkscrews named Sven and Knute who are more or less the same guy.

I mean really, you tell me who's who.

So I fallow Sven and Knute through a tour of fish shaped corkscrews, it wasn't that bad. Some of the stuff they said even made me laugh!

I don't think it was the laugh they were going for though.

At this point I decided it was time that I actually try to learn something, So I went to the room titled, "How to collect corkscrews" No offence but how hard could it be? Well hard enough that it had to be devided up into 5 lessons.

Lesson 1

That's it. No joke. There is no text anywhere on this page, just this photo. What i'm getting is you need to be a homeless horder to collect corkscrews. Looks like i'm going to need some cut offs...

Lesson 2

Wait what? This guy seems to be the opposite of the first guy. Alright I'm confuzed. Oh well i'm sure that lesson 3 will clear this up.

Lesson 3

So were back to being homeless again? Wat..Eff this i'm done.

At this point I have had enough of corkscrews for a while and decided that I was going to leave and more than likely never come back again. Because the only thing more boring than a real museum is a virtual museum.

But if for some reason you would like to take a trip to the Virtual Corkscrew Museum, click the blue text.